So I spent some time today looking up some other blogs and came across a goldmine of those of Christian women. Eureka! Most of the writers are wives and/or mothers who seem to take the task very seriously, blogging about the need for more patience with thier children or the way they’ve been treating thier husband, neither of which I have current personal experience with. I appreciate their consistent focus on trying to follow the model set out for them in the Bible, and I admit some self-disdain when I realize that I will probably never be like that. I think to myself, that’s probably the sort of woman Simon wants (which, yes, does beg the question of, Well then why did he ever date you?).
I know that in the grand scheme of things that what Simon wants doesn’t really matter at all. When I complain about not having him, I do it out of my rancid, whiny humanness. I know in the end all that matters is what God wants and what God wills. And I know even more that my making an idol of Simon is a good reason why I shouldn’t have him at all. I get that. I get it, okay?
Sigh.
All other things aside though, I’m contented in large part with who I am. I know I’ll never be as sweet and demuring probably as those women who blog about sitting by a woodstove but I recognize that I’m still being shaped and formed by God into more of who he wants me to be. I sometimes wish I knew how to be that nice, but I also recognize that God can use a sarcastic, half-feminist as well as anyone else. As long as I am willing to surrender anything to him.
Crap. “Anything” includes Simon, doesn’t it?
Tags: good enoughness, identity in God, shameless other-promotion
