There are moments in life that are definitive and decisions that can never be revoked, altered, or forgotten. These are the precious seconds in which one life dies and another is born out of that death so that very little can even be salvaged from who you were before. Sometimes this is a blessing, as in a redemption or a realization. And sometimes it is terrible and a devastation that never fully heals. It is the second of these that I would like to address now.
First, an aside which will make more sense in a moment.
I began working on a story this past summer based in part on the experience of a dear friend of mine who found herself struggling with the Road Not Taken. In the case of my friend, the Road was a potential love interest that had never come to fruitition due to a variety of missed opportunities and things left unsaid. Of course, though, truth will out. And when she was confronted with the reality of what might have been possible had it not been missed only by a hair’s breadth, of course it grieved her. But she decided to go forward with her life as it was instead of being caught in eternal longing for what was not.
I emphasize “decided” because it’s imperative in the art of Moving On. In part because you can’t wait for yourself to feel better before you start healing and in part because it seems impossible to heal unless you decide to work determinedly towards it. It doesn’t just happen. Or at least not for me. I assume that’s generalizable, which may or may not be a real word.
At any rate, the reason I wanted to write this story is because . . . no matter what choice you make, you have to live with it. No matter what you would have done differently if you’d only been a little wiser or more aware or less traumatized, your life is what it is. And your choices will be what sleep with you at night, wrapping you up like a blanket, caressing you like a lover. If they were good choices, you’ll be warm and satisfied. If they were bad, you’ll feel that kind of cold and lonely in a way that gets in your bones and won’t be coaxed away.
But you have to live with it.
