I just got out of my three hour French class, and it was divine. I think I’m in love. All those “c’est”s and “voudrais”s. Heaven!

And as I was walking down the stairs and out into a cool spring evening, it struck me suddenly that I knew these stairs. What is it about a college campus? The way the air smells, the non-skid strips on the linoleum steps, the weight of books carried over the shoulder. It’s like being in a Meijer: once you’re inside, they’re all the same place. And it was a good familiar feeling strolling down the overwide sidewalks basked in dim street lights. L’amour, my friends, l’amour!

In other news, I still haven’t heard from Simon, so I thought I’d do a poll. YOU vote! Yes! You! Can!

Here are your choices. Simon hasn’t talked to me in three months because: (more…)

My Best Part Time Friend

Every once in a while, you suddenly appear!

So maybe it’s just when you’ve drunk too much beer?

But whatever the reason, I know soon you’ll prob’ly

Show up all witty with a short email volley

And then all at once disappear off the planet

A word here, a sentence, and then suddenly vanish.

Now I’m trying to figure what all it’s about . . .

Say, are you secretly married and your wife just found out?

Do you cyclically go into hiding or something?

Are you a dangerous criminal  who has to keep running?

Did you remember you’re Amish and can’t use a computer?

Are you ashamed to reveal you were recently neutered?

Did you fall off a bridge, as I so casually offer?

Were you kidnapped by pirates or your long lost real father?

Regardless, I hope your adventures delight

And when there’s a lull, I’m sure you will write.

And I’ll be as baffled as always and then

You’ll return to being my best part-time friend.

Alright, alright. I admit it. I shouldn’t have been such a jerk to that-erp!-man I was lamblasting yesterday morning. Not sorry enough to take to down though, I guess. No alterations. No going back and changing the past, even when I could and not have to worry about that whole paradoxical killed-my-grandfather-on-accident type of thing. I should be honest. And the honest truth is apparently that I’m kind of cruel and have an anger problem.

No, really, I’m as shocked as you are.

And, in the spirit of being upfront about things that I don’t want to admit, I should say that I’ve also been missing Simon. I broke down and asked him to call me. Argh. Why do I have to be me?

(more…)

So the truth of the matter is that I should be in bed. Because I’m supposed to be at work tomorrow at nine a.m. and lately I’ve been staying up till seven in the morning and sleeping in all day. I’m on like . . . China time or something. But instead of doing that (and I WILL do it, okay? . . . yeah, in a dang minute so keep your pants on!), I logged on to LinkedIn, a networking site I have to admit I don’t really get yet. And there, believe it or not, as I’m browsing through Possible Connections in the Classmates section at Kent State University, I come across the profile of my first boyfriend.

JOLT.

(more…)

There are some of you who may assume that I suffer from some sort of mental disorder that includes violent moods swings and illusions of grandeur. But those are only the people who know me well. For the rest of you, my insanity will have to be proven. And, let me wager, proven it shall be.

Insert Jarring Subject Change Here.

I was talking with Stephen tonight after we saw Fireproof at the Danberry Dollar Saver (not as bad as I thought it might be, I’ll be honest). He was remarking on how some (private and not to be disclosed here) things in the past had really injured him but that he wasn’t angry over them, and I mentioned that it’s very difficult to be hurt by someone or something and not become angry. I know this because I’ve been in that place before and had to recognise the true source of my upset. I know this because I’m there now.

(more…)

he said: “This is Step Three. Step One was to stop hating you. Step Two was to start talking to you again. Step Three is building a friendship. And that’s what I’m doing.”

I said: “Wow. You should give a seminar.”

I thought: “I know you’ve been hurt. But will you ever see what He’s made me? Will you? It’s a matter of will at this point, you know.”

He said: “You have forgiveness, but you also have consequence. And not everyone is going to see what I see when they look at you.”

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he said: “I don’t want to get distracted. I’m just trying to sit back and see what He has for me, if you know what I mean.”

I said: “That’s wonderful. I want to do that too.”

I thought: “What He has for you may not be what you want Him to have. What He has for you is up to Him.”

He said: “I told you before. I have a purpose in this. I have a purpose in everything.”

————————————————————————————————–

he said: “I have to think about it. I just don’t know.”

I said: “Tell me one way or the other. You don’t not know. If you don’t want to, then you don’t want to. If it isn’t yes, it’s no.”

I thought: “You’re afraid and you have every right to be. You’re afraid, but you won’t get any further until you aren’t.”

He said: “Forget everything else. My will will be done.”

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