So, being the raging insomniac I am (you remember me mentioning that about thirty thousand times, right?), I spent a while tonight going through some old emails. Ostensibly it was to refresh my memory about a long past relationship but, as is my custom, I took a few side roads along the journey. And it seems to me that some people are impossible to get rid of, some are more searing than they know, and some don’t want to be found.

I’ve tried to be honest in the past year or so, to move to a place where what I say is what I mean. I’ve tried to say what is, with all its backbending weight, with all its airy weighlessness. I’ve tried to say what I mean even when a question hasn’t been asked. I’ve tried to be transparent.

And so it becomes even more dismaying when I come face to font with the way  that I used to be. I tried to keep my hands clean. I was purposely vague in the hopes of not having a confrontation. I was vague and wanted to be misconstrued in a way that would undermine my virtue while letting me retain my innocence in the whole matter. I’m really very embarrassed about the whole thing.

But God creates value in the valueless, and so He can use these things that never should have been to create something wonderful.