I read a poem once all that postulated poetry is forged only out of a mire of depression. Certainly, it seems for me that I’m inspired to write down my thoughts mostly when my thoughts . . . are disappointing. Which is pretty lame, I’m thinking. So, in honor of this, I now submit to you the opposite.

I have so much to glorify God for. Not the least of which is the fantastic grasp of the English language I just demonstrated by ending that sentence with a preposition. But I also thank God for this job that I’ve been at for three weeks, for this relationship that I’ve been soldering with Erik for lo these many months, for this down-the-hall life with Bridget who is consistently cheerful and kind, for this sister and brother and father that I love so much, for this responsibility and joy in needing to serve my grandmother, for these renewed friendships with James and others I’ve lost, for these new acquaintances with the people in my life at work, for this lovely warm weather that is wafting into the city like a breeze, for this new attitude of capability and hopefulness that is spurring me on and encouraging to make better choices, every day, and not to be something I’m not, but to finally come into what I want to be. Yes, my dears, these are blessed days.

And most days are blessed if I really look. I’m busy and tired and dragging at times but I have purpose enough to be busy and tired and dragging. There are very few things that one can’t be grateful for in some way. Getting to the good stuff often requires understanding the bad stuff, and where it comes from, and pruning if necessary. And God has brought me to a place where I don’t so much have to remind myself of these things, but rather share the natural recognition that’s been taking place. I’m making artwork. I’m feeling up to the task of getting off the transfat and nicotine and into taking care of my body. I’m trying to learn and complete and write and grow. It’s a wonderful, low down, peaceful kind of feeling.

So there it is. A poem in the form of an everyday life that has everything to do with small and unceremonious joys.

Not to be a “woman” here, but after a lot of spastic emotional trouble yesterday, I’ve decided to re-persue my Comparative Governments class. Which is actually really great because I can’t get my money back now if I drop it. I am so thankful for the goodness and comfort of good counsel and encouragement. Way to be, y’all. Way to be.

And I’m really grateful that this morning when I called One Stop at UC (the registrar’s office or something-what a hip cool name!) and found out there’s a procedure for un-dropping a class! Huzzah! Even my professor seemed pretty cool about trying to get it all sorted back to the way it was before. And, wonder of all wonders (or should I say, Grace of all graces?), the class lobbied for a push back of the midterm until Monday instead of tomorrow, so I can actually study and get some sleep tonight.

God. Is. Good.

Not that He wouldn’t have been just as good if I had had to keep my class dropped, or if my exam really had been tomorrow, or even if I hadn’t gotten counsel and encouragement. And I would like to think that I would be grateful to Him regardless of circumstances. He seemed to impress on me last night in prayer that no matter what happened today, He would be sovriegn over it and I should be grateful. And I should. Because there’s always something to be grateful for. I don’t even just mean the important and oft forgot things like the fact that I live in a safe place, that I have my needs provided for, that I’m blessed with compatriots and freedoms inherent to my country, that Natalie is, that my mother was part of the body of Christ and is therefore enjoying the joys of being reunited with her creator as are others I’ve known who are no more in physical form. All these are wonderful things to be thankful for, and more besides. But there is something to be thankful for even when things go so terribly wrong in my estimation. If those things are because of my actions, I can be grateful for the lesson. If those things are things I have no part in, there is an opportunity to be grateful for learning about the sovriegnty and sustainence of God.

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Yes, in this case, the Walrus is me. And the time has come, as I mentioned before by proxy as my current animal incarnation, to speak of other things. And work on them, which is the more difficult part.

I’ve been reading my way through Romans and last night I was up to chapters 12 and 13. I’ve been feeling not so great recently about picking up my old bad habit of smoking and what do I find as soon as I read the first verse, but: Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. Ouch. I’ve been zinged. But, I must say, deservedly so.

The truth is that I’ve been lax and I’m not to pleased to share it, but it is what is, so I must proclaim it I suppose. It isn’t only a matter of smoking either really. I’ve been lax in many things. I was talking to Ron about this last night. Last year at this time, I was, perhaps not a different person, but full of God in a much different measure. The things that I haven’t been able to understand yet, like those particular losses that I mention again and again, have blocked something valuable from entering.

The losses aren’t important; The gifts were. And though in some cases, I still don’t understand, the important thing is Job 1:21  The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD.

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Last night on a whim, I thrust myself on James’ social calendar at the last minute. And eight hours later, I realized that it was one of the best things I could have done . . . as well as that giving a ten dollar tip to a waiter can really open some doors. It’s a strange experience when you’re talking to someone and you realize that they’ve just agreed with you, and they’re a boy? And you think, Wow, really? You’re not going fight me on this? That’s a little fabulous. (more…)

God, thank you for being my remedial teacher and illuminating lessons I’ve already learned. Thank you for allowing me to twist my ankle when I take steps away from you and begin thrashing through the underbrush that leads away from the narrow road. Thank you for the time to contemplate as I sit, unable to go on with my injury, to look around and see that I have gone off the way, and for being my crutch to help me walk on until I am strong again.

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So today is Thanksgiving. Hoorah! Fall is past full bloom and winter is on its way in, with all it’s traffic problems and snow delays, with all its cancelled school. Winter is a great season. I mean, sure a lot of people get S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder-isn’t that cute?) because there’s less sunlight, and it’s colder than blazes, although it’s usually not cold enough to snow so instead there’s a lot of yucky grey rain/slush, and also it’s more expensive with Christmas (and in my case, several birthdays) and gigantic heating bills, and . . . Well, winter’s alright anyway. It could be worse. Probably.

So the reason I’m going on about winter is 1) winter makes me want to fall in love, and 2) although that’s true, it isn’t the reason. The real reason is that I’m procrastinating, and the reason I’m doing that is because I don’t want to go to Thanksgiving dinner.

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